If you follow me on Instagram, you would know a lot about what Anika and I get up to. It all looks amazing and inspirational (that’s what the messages say!) blah blah. You know, I like to view life through my rose colored glasses… But last week, has been HARD! It started with my husband getting the flu and then me and then Anika fell sick (fever!) for the first time ever. Paranoid first time mum with an unhappy first-time sick child, I rushed her to the doctors and it was just viral that she got from us. She got better in a day but has been up from midnight to 4 am on Friday night and then every hour last night still recovering from her cold…
My husband has a big move happening at his work since last few weeks and has been working long hours, 7 days a week. Fortunately our family lives close by and my mum-in-law has been great help. I am insanely grateful for my daughter and love her to bits but motherhood comes with its own set of challenges. Sleep deprivation has got me really vulnerable today, so I thought I must open up about my low’s of being a mum and the 3 things I have struggled with the most in last 6 months…
- SLEEP DEPRIVATION- I wont ‘sleep train’ my daughter but I will never judge a parent who has done it. Lack of sleep is really hard. I can count the number of nights, I have gotten more than 2 hours sleep at a stretch in the last 6 months. My friends say the sleep cycle gets longer at 9 months, fingers crossed.
- BODY IMAGE- I am also a yoga teacher and have practiced Ashtanga Vinyasa yoga/meditation since 2013 till the day Anika was born for 10 hours a week (no matter what). So, I have been pretty fit! I gained (crazy) 20 kgs in my pregnancy and I have lost over half of it BUT I have not practiced yoga much in last 6 months (to be very honest) and I feel pretty shitty about that bulging tummy and so much more to loose. Sometimes, I feel like ‘GUILT’ feels synonymous to being a mum. Guilty if you give yourself time (cause selfish?) and guilty if you don’t (cause then you are probably not the best version of yourself?). Well, I am going to consciously make some more ME time in next 6 months (esp since Anika sleeps on bed more + is happy to play with others too) without feeling guilty about it.
- THE TITLE OF “WORK AT HOME/ STAY AT HOME MUM”- I have worked since I was 18 years till I was 8 months pregnant. I have always been “independent”. I have paid off my university fees and traveled the world on my own. We are incredibly lucky that I can choose to stay at home with Anika for the next few years and I plan to home school her till she turns 3 years old. But every now and then, I do get rubbed off by the ‘society’ on how “lucky” I am to stay at home with her…To make it clear the role of a ‘full-time mum” (equals 3 full time jobs) is surely harder than any job I have ever done.
Last six months have been the best six months of my life but also the hardest. As I celebrate the triumphs of motherhood each day, I thought I must share my tirade’s too cause life exist in a sort of balance and I must accept both sides of it to stay grounded and real.
Marykate
Jaya, thank you for having the courage to share your vulnerability with us. Of all your posts, and I love reading them, this is the one I identify with the most. My LO is a little less than two months behind yours and I have been trying to make a conscience effort to begin Montessori with her from birth. Montessori is new for me so as much as it is helpful to have you and many of the other experienced Montessori moms as a guide, I definitely get discouraged and in my head some days and in my head about whether she is making progress in certain areas and it is only heightened by my own vulnerabilities about my body image post C-section (missing my old pants lying my my drawer), transitioning from having a full time career to being a full time mom, and being completely sleep deprived. Knowing that I am not alone in these vulnerabilities is so helpful and gives me comfort. Thank you from the other side of the globe 🙂
jayabalar
Hi MaryKate, loved reading your message and I connect so much with what you shared…yes we are not alone and there are many mum’s who go through the same but comforting for both of us to know first hand. Sending you and your little one love from the other side of the globe too <3
Jennifer
We live in the states and just had a little one in March. I can’t say how much I learn from following your journey with little Anika. I, too struggle almost word for word with your blog post and often feel conflicted. I was just telling someone about my lack of more than 2 hours sleep and was telling myself maybe it’s just me….. Grateful for your vulnerability. I just wanted to say you are an amazing mother and woman to share your journey with the world. We appreciate the extra time you take to make this blog happen and you are having such a positive imprint on my new motherhood journey.
jayabalar
Hi Jennifer, so loved reading this message and also to know that I am not alone 🙂 I love sharing our journey but most of all connecting with other mums, so thanks for being a part of it x